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Losing
Time
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or -
How,
Despite my Best Efforts, I successfully U-hauled from Chicago to Palm Springs
by Depending on the Partially-Remunerated Kindness of Strangers
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| First a couple of
explanations for the ignorant. For those of you in technologically
impoverished lands, let me explain what the term "U-hauled" means.
As you'll find out if you have the intelligence and moral fortitude to
continue reading this glorious account, it does at times feel somewhat
similar to being keel-hauled, but actually the two terms are unrelated.
In fact, "U-haul" is a visionary American company created to allow people
to hire a truck and move themselves from one part of America to another.
I wrote that last sentence myself, but actually right there on the
U-haul history page is the "V" word, so maybe I've missed my calling
and I should have been an advertising copywriter. Of course
I was just being facetious, but I think the U-haul people actually expect
you to believe that they are visionary rather than mercenary.
OK, here's the second
thing to get clear before we go on. Palm Springs is in California,
it's not in Florida. When I told people where I was moving
to, about half of them thought I was going down to Florida, which Homer
Simpson memorably described as the wang of America. Look on
a map and you'll immediately see the truth of what he said.
Actually, I like Florida and I'd really like to live there, because of
the warm weather and all of the opportunities for wildlife photography.
Three times now, when I've been looking for work it seemed like I was just
on the point of getting a job down in Florida, but instead I ended up in
New Jersey (which many people consider the Armpit of America, but which
really wasn't so bad) or Chicago (which happened twice due, I suspect,
to a previous life as a mass murderer or worse).
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Driving
a 32 foot U-haul truck while towing a trailer with your car on it is a
bit like flying a world war two B17 Flying Fortress bomber.
There's marginally less chance that you'll be attacked by Germans, but
it's still a lot of effort. You have to continually adjust
the controls just to stay in a straight line, and if it's windy, as it
was for me all the way from Chicago down to Phoenix, then it becomes even
more of a handful.
One of the most exciting
aspects about driving a large U-haul truck is dealing with 18 wheelers,
the American term for large articulated trucks. There are an
awful lot of these plying their trade on the interstate freeway system.
As they pass, the large volume of air they're pushing in front of them
pushes you to the right, and then the slight vacuum behind them sucks you
back to the left. A lot of people complain about them, but
I haven't experienced any unprofessional behavior from them, except perhaps
when one or more of them tries to overtake you up a hill or something and
then finds that the truck doesn't have enough power to get past you, and
sometimes you even start going faster than they are.
Aside from the physical
and mental effort of driving long distances with a truck and trailer, and
the intimidation of 18 wheelers, there are other things which make driving
a large U-haul tricky. Around town, you have to go very wide
to get around corners, since the truck is much larger than a car.
You have to anticipate lane changes very early, because the truck doesn't
have good acceleration, and your only hope is to find a very large gap
to ease into - not always easy in urban driving. And don't
even think about backing up when you've got a trailer attached - while
attempting that feat, I almost got myself firmly jammed at a gas station
before even leaving Chicago. Finally, the truck takes much
longer to stop than a car does, a fact which many other motorists are blissfully
ignorant of. If you look closely, you can even see the sticker
in front of my steering wheel in the photo, which reads "warning:
anticipate stops and brake early.". All in all, U-hauling is
not for the faint of heart. Perhaps I could sell that as a slogan
to the U-haul company - "Not For The Faint Of Heart" - pretty snappy, don't
you think? |
Chapter
Two: He's not a Crack Addict Bum, he's my Furniture Mover
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