|
Losing
Time
-
or -
How,
Despite my Best Efforts, I successfully U-hauled from Chicago to Palm Springs
by Depending on the Partially-Remunerated Kindness of Strangers
|

| CHAPTER
FIVE: WHY I'VE NEVER LIKED WINONA RYDER |
| I woke up bright
and refreshed in Flagstaff on Saturday morning, opened the curtains and
looked out in disbelief on dark gray skies and pouring rain.
Did you know that the name "Arizona" comes from the Spanish for "arid zone"?
Average rainfall is less than 2 inches a month, and October is one of the
driest months. I called the company I'd booked a scenic flight
around the Grand Canyon with, and they told me that all flights that day
were cancelled. This was a major drag, because this was by
far the most scenic part of the country I was driving through, and I'd
gone to quite a bit of effort to have at least some free time here for
looking around. Now I had to decide what I was going to do,
push on immediately towards California and perhaps arrive a day early,
or try to salvage the best of a bad situation and go up to the Grand Canyon
in the rain?
In the end I decided
to push on up to the Grand Canyon. Even if it was raining up
there, the trip shouldn't be a total waste of effort, because there's an
aircraft museum at Valle, about half-way between Flagstaff and the canyon
itself, and aircraft
museums are one of my main interests. I headed off just
around the time that the rain eased off. It wasn't much consolation,
since the clouds were still thick, dark and threatening. Photographs
of the canyon weren't going to be much good under such conditions, but
maybe it would be better than nothing.
|
By
the time I got to Valle, there were small amounts of blue poking through
the heavens. I wondered if I should skip the museum and head
straight up to the canyon while the bad weather held off. But
I decided to stop off at the museum, which is called Planes of Fame at
the Grand Canyon. It's at this site because facilities like
land to build the hangar on was offered to them for next to nothing, and
the constant flow of tourists up to the canyon meant that a steady stream
of visitors was guaranteed - though when I first arrived around 10 or 11
AM, I was the only visitor there.
The museum has some
very good aircraft, including General MacArthur's personal C121 Constellation
aircraft, named "Bataan" after the place in the Phillipines where he was
initially defeated and then returned, victorious. It also has
a Japanese Ohka rocket-powered kamikaze plane, and some early jets, including
a rarely seen Grumman F-11 Tiger, a British Vampire, Republic F84 Thunderjet
and a Russian MiG 15.
I spent an hour or
two there taking photos with my camera and tripod, and then using a flash
to take photos inside the Constellation, which is still in flying condition
and has original flight equipment still in place, though the cabin area
where MacArthur worked has needed reconstruction and restoration. |
| OK, so what's the
point of maintaining the pretense any longer? By the time I
finally got up to the Grand Canyon the weather had turned very nice, with
blue skies and white, fluffy clouds. I was able to get lots
of nice photos of the canyon itself, as well as of some of the squirrels
which make a living by freeloading off the kindness of strangers, remunerating
them by providing lots of photo opportunities. |
 |
OK,
so the trip up to the Grand Canyon had worked out far better than I expected,
so how about trying to stretch my winning streak to take in the Petrified
Forest and Meteor Crater, which is on the same stretch of interstate between
the Petrified Forest and Flagstaff? Time didn't look like it
was on my side, since it was around 2PM, and it's about a three hour drive
between the canyon and Meteor Crater. I decided to cut my losses
and just try for the crater.
On the road south
of Valle, some people in a car decided that life was just too long and
they wanted to see Jesus - NOW! In other words, some idiot
decided that overtaking me while approaching a blind corner was a great
idea. Perhaps they underestimated the length of the truck (32
feet plus about 18 feet more for the trailer), or how bad the acceleration
of their car would be when there were five occupants. Anyway,
they started overtaking and before they'd even drawn level with the truck
cab, a car appeared, coming in the opposite direction. There
was absolutely no way that the overtaking car could get past me before
the other car reached us, and they probably wouldn't even be able to slow
down fast enough to get back into the right lane behind me, before the
other car hit them.
At this point, the
astute among you might have noticed that this text is next to a photograph
of a very large hole in the ground, rather than a photo of bleeding,
broken and groaning bodies sprawled over a road. This is entirely
due to my alertness as to what these fools were attempting, and my willingness
to brake really hard and risk jack-knifing my truck and trailer.
And so fools overtake successfully, innocent motorists driving in opposite
direction get to live another day, and I give fools an audible expression
of my thoughts and feelings regarding the maneuver they'd just made.
An irritating and unnecessary event, but in the end a win-win-win situation.
As expected, I arrive
at Meteor Crater around 5PM. Surprisingly, this extraordinary
scenic wonder is privately owned, so instead of being closed it would be
open for another half-hour, long enough for me to take a few photos.
Unfortunately, by now it was raining fairly heavily, even though the sun
was shining less than 10 miles to the north, on the other side of the interstate.
Nevertheless, the crater certainly is an impressive sight to behold, and
the visitors' center is very slick and well presented. Well
worth a look, and if you get there earlier in the day then you can take
a walk around its rim.
I jumped back in
the truck to continue my journey. I'd already noticed that
I was getting low on fuel, so I figured I'd stop at the gas station owned
and operated by the same people who own Meteor Crater. But
their gasoline was over $1.80 a gallon - Outrageous! - so I decided that
I'd keep going until I found somewhere cheaper. |
Only
three or four miles down the interstate the truck started coughing and
I began to wonder if I'd made the right decision. I wasn't
sure that it was a fuel problem, but it seemed likely. Then
the truck started running smoothly again, so I decided I'd pull into the
next gas station - regardless of the price! Then I started
up another slight incline and the truck started coughing again.
Somehow I nursed it over the top and all was again well - which sort
of confirmed the fuel theory. Would I make it to the next town?
Answer, no. The next incline wasn't very steep, but it was
quite long and before I got anywhere near the top the engine spluttered
its last splutter, and I was forced to pull over to the side.
How could I have
been so stupid that I allowed this situation to happen? Well,
I'm glad you asked, because that's what I'm about to explain.
Here you see exhibit A - the fuel gauge of the U-haul truck.
This is what it looks like when the truck is full of gasoline.
Take note of the wonderfully depicted symbols, and pay particular attention
to the position of the bright orange fuel level marker. Admire
its wonderful symmetry, marvel at its functionality and observe its position
relative to the "full" symbol. So now, I ask you, where would
you expect this marker to be when the gas tank is empty? Choose
carefully, and then click on the photo to see whether you were right or
not.
Perhaps I'm just
too logical, and I expected too much of this fuel gauge but, as you can
see, the moment the marker hits the left edge of the leftmost rectangle,
you're fried. Out of luck. Done for.
As I sat fuming by the side of the interstate, I realized that this fuel
gauge was either designed by some geekish engineer who doesn't know how
to drive and therefore doesn't know any better, or by some other type of
vicious sociopath, who intentionally devised it to be as misleading as
possible and is probably sitting alone on a couch in his flea-infested
single room apartment right now, giggling helplessly about the havoc and
chaos he has caused countless victims.
So what was my fate
to be? Would I be eaten by coyotes as the gathering night enveloped
my tiny, fragile capsule of civilization? Would I step outside
the truck and be bitten by a seething carpet of rattlesnakes before my
foot hit the ground? Should I wait for morning and eventual
rescue? Should I walk to the next town, buy a can of gasoline
and walk back? Hell no, to all of these! I took
my car off the trailer, drove about 10 miles to the next town, which was
called Winona, bought some gas, drove back to the truck, poured in the
gas, put the truck back on the trailer, then drove back to Winona to return
the gas tank I'd borrowed. Of course all of this takes a while,
so I lost a fair bit of time - about an hour and a half. |
| I was moving again,
but I didn't quite know whether I should stop for the night before I reached
Phoenix, or continue on to the other side of Phoenix. I decided
to keep going until I came across a motel in the sort of price range I
wanted to pay. Since many places advertise their rates on large
signs along the road, I wouldn't have to stop to figure this out.
It seemed, though, that I was going to be out of luck. Unlike
Flagstaff and many other places I'd seen since leaving Chicago, Phoenix
didn't seem to have any cheap places at all. Even down-market
motel chains like Motel 6 were charging $80 for a night. I
was really surprised, since I don't imagine that this is a busy time of
the year. So I kept going and eventually turned on to interstate
10, which runs through Phoenix and on to Los Angeles. I was
now getting to the city limits of Phoenix and still there was no sign of
anything reasonable. After about an hour I'd had enough and
so I pulled over at one of the very few motels along this stretch of highway.
This one was run by a Jehovah's Witness and unfortunately it was full.
He explained that the absence of motels was due to the lack of water in
this area. I had little choice except to keep driving.
Say what you will
about sharing the road with eighteen wheelers, they have brought some benefits
for travellers like me - such as rest stops. Not only are rest
stops useful for making - ahh - pit stops, but a lot of truckers stop there
for the night, rather than staying in motels or such like.
They can pull the curtains (often literally) and crawl off into whatever
they call the sleeping compartment behind the cab, to revel in goodness
knows what decadent luxuries beyond the sight and thought of ordinary mortals
such as I. Instead, I had to settle for sleeping in the cab
of my truck. This was really only possible because it had a
bench seat, and it was also made easier by the liberal use of earplugs
and eyeshades, a habit I'd picked up while travelling in third world countries
and staying in cheap hotels. My only real concessions to luxury
were a sleeping bag and pillows from the back of the truck.
Nevertheless, by the time morning arrived, I'd had considerably more sleep
than I got in the motel of horror in Vale.
|
From
here it really was a relaxed drive into Palm Springs. Before
leaving Arizona and entering California, I stopped off at Quartzsite (that's
right, not Quartzite), whose population swells each winter with several
huge communities of RVers (recreational vehiclers) who escape the cold
of the north and plonk themselves down in the desert for the duration of
the winter. Goodness knows what they do the whole time they're
parked in these dried-up areas, but at least it's warm and sunny.
Eschewing the dubious
pleasures of the General Patton museum at some no-name desert stop, and
the very real pleasures of Joshua Tree national park, I pushed on to Palm
Springs. It turned out to be on the left-hand side of the interstate,
although I'd clearly imagined it to be on the right-hand side (just as
I'd erroneously imagined the Colorado river flowing from west to east through
the Grand Canyon, and the Niagara Falls facing south).
Another thing I hadn't
counted on was the large mountains directly behind Palm Springs.
I knew that there were hills, but it turns out that the three tallest mountains
in southern California are all right in this area, San Gorgonia (11,499
feet or 3450 meters), San Bernadino (10,691 feet or 3259 meters) and San
Jacinto (10,804 feet or 3240 meters). A week or so after I
arrived there was a light dusting of snow on these peaks, while down in
the valley the temperature stayed in the 70s. Sounds like heaven
to me! |
| OK, we're not even
at the end of this chapter and already I can hearing you muttering under
your breath and saying, "this didn't have anything to do with Winona Ryder".
Well, strictly speaking that's true, but I did run out of fuel at Winona,
right? And Ryder trucks are the same sort of thing as U-haul
trucks, right? So really I'm perfectly justified making this
connection, especially since I really have never liked Winona Ryder in
any of her movies, except that maybe she did an adequate job in Alien Resurrection. |
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